Comments for first the egg

Comment on Have I ever had “ANY unwanted/undesired physical or sexual contact”? by Molly

Molly — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 03:07:43 +0000

Thanks for this thoughtful response. I think many, many of us (women and men) have found that our culture has fed us a load of crap and that we have to unlearn and/or renegotiate a whole lot of tricky stuff just in order to have a meaningful relationship with another human being as though both partners were whole human beings. My (male) partner and I have both had to do that in various ways. It sucks to be the ‘gatekeeper’ and it sucks to be sexually open and present with a ‘gatekeeper’; it sucks to feel you’re supposed to want all sex all the time; it sucks to feel you’re supposed to be guilty and ashamed about having sexual desires or speaking them (rather than waiting for someone else to, like, guess?); it all sucks. I resent it too, and not just as a woman or for women but also for my partner, my son, you, everybody.

Comment on Have I ever had “ANY unwanted/undesired physical or sexual contact”? by QwertJohnson

QwertJohnson — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 18:55:46 +0000

Hey I just wanted to say I’m a guy and that I wholeheartedly agree. I hate the way that our society is concerning gender relations. I know I’ve heard stories from my girlfriend that are almost too hard for me to cope with sometimes, though I know they could be a lot worse.

I know I’m not perfect and at times towards the beginning I would start to push things a little to far with where my hands went to which she would promptly stop me. I would feel awful after this, partly because I did it and partly because it would make me start to think. Think about how I wish things could happen in reverse so I could relate and feel like things were equal. But I feel like this wouldn’t happen because I couldn’t see myself stopping her from trying something.

To a considerable degree I resent this. That guys are taught to take what they can get, and that gender relations are framed as how far the guy can get with the girl. As if the girl is something to be made progress on. This is evident in comments like “did you get to second base” or “what did you let him do.” With the women depicted as a passive party simply controlling how far things go before she stops it. and I hate that I cannot relate to what it is like being on the other side. I wish things could just be equal.

I am sorry for the rant there. But I want you to know that you are right. Nothing will ever make any of that OK. Our society has a lot of growing up to do in the name of equality

Comment on Have I ever had “ANY unwanted/undesired physical or sexual contact”? by Tom

Tom — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 03:29:42 +0000

Saying “Do not post a comment like this ever again.” isn’t exactly the most ideal thing either.

I think many guys genuinely feel unsure about how to act towards women. I’m not making excuses or trying to justify anything that Molly has talked about because they are obviously wrong but shutting him down like that doesn’t achieve anything (roll modeling of appropriate actions is almost non-existant).

We need more people (both male and female) to talk about the issues regarding sexual assault and unwanted advances.

But it can’t be patronizing or demonizing towards men! For every “bad” guy out there I’m sure there are several who would be willing to listen, discuss and then make changes both in their actions and the action of those around them.

Seeing comments like “*VERY VERY WRONG. Do not post a comment like this ever again.” are just going to turn guys off and scare them away from any kind of discussion.

David doesn’t seem like a bad guy who makes a lot of good points about male perceptions (not going to go into whether or not they are right or wrong).

Try not to treat him the devil because I’m sure he is not. The mere fact he has read the post and is willing to talk about his own opinons and thoughts proves that.

Thank you Molly for your eye opening post .

Comment on We don’t need feminism anymore, right? by Molly

Molly — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 22:04:23 +0000

I’m not sure exactly what this comment is responding to. Here‘s my own take on feminism, what I mean by that word and why I use it. It sounds as though you’re talking more about the title of this post than its content, but maybe that’s totally off? (I for one certainly don’t have anything at all against men and think sexism and gender policing hurt men/boys as well as women/girls. And I don’t see any of my feminist friends, male or female, engaging in any form of war.)

I’d be interested to hear more about specifically what traditions within feminist theory and/or activism are turning you off the term, and what you feel has been lost in recent discussions.

Comment on We don’t need feminism anymore, right? by Jeff

Jeff — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 20:00:08 +0000

Simply put, neither myself or my wife consider ourselves feminists anymore. In both our opinions “feminism” has jumped the shark. In my personal opinion, it’s become a war on males. Make it all gender neutral and talk about “gender issues” and we are totally on board. It’s high time that we look at the damage our ridiculous gender roles do to both (or more than both?) genders. And, we continue to need to root out the institutionalized forms of discrimination in all it’s forms. But honestly, I’d prefer to sweep the existing problems under the carpet if the only alternative is all out war. Sometimes the cure IS worse than the sickness.

I personally am content doing my best to think about these issues in terms of gender-neutral justice and equality while avidly disavowing the label feminist. Sometimes I’ll cop to being “an old-school feminist” but that’s about it.