This child will be four years old oh-so-soon. He tells me all about the world, and all about himself, and he is wise and clever and made (almost) entirely of love and beans and grains and goodness. He is my very good friend.
Four years old!
Four years ago today (and yesterday, and tomorrow), I was laboring to bring him out of myself–beloved unknown fetus–into the outside world–beloved baby and whole individual human being. I remember what my body felt like. I love that I can remember it. Some hours of unspeakably intense pain. Lots of hours of unbelievably intense excitement and joy and body-love (the physical sensation of love for my partner and this child, and also of absolute oneness with and admiration for my own body, working so hard) and the wordless body-knowledge that I’d just keep at it, and later triumph and relief, and … other feelings, other physical sensations that I can recall but not articulate. My still-pregnant skin against Eric’s familiar body, between contractions. A body sliding tiny feature by tiny feature out of my body. And, oh, sweet oxytocin, and the euphoria of those first few days of no-longer-pregnant, no-longer-in-labor. And how it felt different even to breath while I watched him sleep that first time, just like it feels now when I go in to re-tuck him in once he’s asleep and sheetless every night: that soft inbreath of awe, of quiet deep love, of that strange mixture of oneness-and-separateness that begins at birth. So much to remember, and so much to enjoy.
5 Comments
A beautiful description of beautiful memories!
Happy Birthday!
Aww! What a beautiful post! Happy birth-day to both of you!
One of the things that amazed me when I had my unmedicated birth a couple of months ago was that no matter how many accounts you read of positive feelings during labor, nothing prepares you for the intensity of emotion that can roll through you. I felt incredible pride and confidence, as well as surges of happiness throughout early and active labor. I also experienced the most intense rushes of love for my husband and our family that I’ve ever felt. Thank you, oxytocin! I used to read birth stories and think that I would never have a similar experience.
Congratulations on the new baby, Erin–and it’s wonderful that you had such a positive birth experience!
I also found it hard to grasp exactly what these sorts of accounts were getting at before I had my own account to give. It’s all so difficult to A) articulate and B) admit as a possibility in our culture of fear and disgust aimed at childbirth.
Wow, that post was beautiful. I came over from your comment on my blog and am really enjoying your resources and insights.