On our way to eat up burritos (carrying two avocados in our hands, because it’s okay to bring your own avocados to a Chipotle if you feel their guacamole is too oniony, right? right???), we passed one of those Hot Mama clothing boutiques. In the window, big text advised:
60% of moms admit to letting their beauty slide. Get off the slide.
To that I can only say: oh, fuck off.
As in “confess”?
Oh gee, I’m really terrible sorry I’m not constantly obsessing over my own appearance. I fail at womanhood. Perhaps I should fix that immediately by spending shit tons of money in a store whose website’s bargain area boasts “steals for under $58!”
Honestly, I’m really grateful to live in a cultural moment when it’s okay for mothers to be sexual and stylish. I like clothes a lot and am really attached to my personal sense of style. I’m glad fitted clothes in familiar cuts and colors were available to me during pregnancy–that I didn’t have to dress like a tent–and that I’m not expected to look matronly now. (Perhaps ironically, I find the clothes displayed in Hot Mama’s windows really matronly and tent-like. All the shirts are so high-cut and long! Everything’s cut to hide the shameful non-flat belly! And are we supposed to pretend not to have butts? The patterns, the this-season-ness of it all, it’s like a mom uniform. I think I’ll just go find a nice cheap quirky secondhand shop now like I did before I bred, thanks.) I like that it’s socially acceptable for me to go on wearing the exact same clothes and styles as before I had children, that I have my bright green hair in two little pigtail buns today and nobody seems to think, for shame or those poor children.
But for heaven’s sake. This pressure to be “hot” all the time, to be hot and yet appropriately upper-middle-class motherly, to be appropriately hot. To spend lots of money doing it, because you’re certainly not hot on your own, no ma’am. I mean, lay off, you know?
p.s.: My other reaction is the nerdy one: I want to see their methodology. Eric asked, “like, one time, or what?” Are you allowed to toss on a robe and let the dog pee in the front yard without checking your hair in a mirror ever, or does that make you one of the sad 60%? What question did they ask people? What’s the sampling methodology here? And what percentage of people who aren’t mothers admit to letting their beauty slide, as it were? Inquiring minds want to know!