two links I love

I’m not reading a whole hell of a lot beyond my student’s essays and the readings I’ve assigned these days, but these two pieces really touched me and need to be shared!

from Lane at The Traveling Circus, “Making the Political Personal: I Love This Man

When the judge asked me ‘What is the reason for this name change?’ I said ‘….Feminism?’ She smiled and said ‘So noted.’

When the judge asked Dave ‘What is the reason for this name change?’ he said ‘Because I love my wife.’

from Carolyn Hax at The Washington Post, an amazingly non-crappy advice column response to the question ‘My granddaughter acts like a boy: what should we do?’ [I paraphrase ... the actual question is rather long]

shut up and love her as is — and let her shop in whatever department she pleases, without hand-wringing or eyebrow-raising or “What about this cute dress . . . ?”

p.s.: Thanks for all the kind words and ideas in response to my last post (about my current struggles with panic attacks or whatever these shitty crapball mornings are). I’m continuing to try to take care of myself and get better. I had good days mixed with bad days this week, instead of all bad days like last week, which is something, right? And I appreciate the support, very much indeed.

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  1. Posted 28 September 2013 at 6:34 AM | Permalink

    The first link is so, so sweet. The name thing is so, SO HARD. I took my husband’s name – but retained all of mine, so I have four. And he took my name – my last name (my father’s name, as my conservative father loves to bitterly remind me) is now one of my husband’s middle names. The weird thing is after we got married, I went and filled out a sheet of paper at the Social Security Office and I got my new ID in the mail a few days later. But my husband was not permitted to do that. To change his name at the same time, he had to get some sort of evaluation, have witnesses swear to his character, post his intentions on the courthouse wall for a couple of weeks, announce it in the paper, go in person to court — all the things you have to do if you’re just randomly changing your name as an adult. We found that . . . interesting. I really think it opened his eyes a bit to all of the feminist gender-parity things I am constantly warbling about in his ear. (Another favorite of mine – how men’s button down shirts cost fifty cents to launder and starch, but my button downs cost like four bucks a piece for the exact same service.)

    But he did it, and he uses the name in his professional life. Which meant and means a lot to me. Our children bear his name, mostly because of all the societal pressure she talks about (read: conservative father, not a hill I was prepared to die on). But he took mine, and that was the most important thing to me.

    The second link was wonderful, but not a surprise – Carolyn Hax is the bomb. Love her.

    I can offer no help with the panic attacks, because I am as bewildered as you. I do know life change can cause deep subconscious rifts that manifest themselves in profoundly physical ways, but that doesn’t help manage those physical effects. I did go to law school with two kids and no child care – trying desperately to read casebooks and draft legal memos with two little boys screeching around me and constantly demanding juice and potty and other versions of my attention was really, REALLY hard. By far the hardest period of my life. I ended up bitter and angry at both the boys and the law school, since I couldn’t ever give full concentration to either and each was an intrusion on the other at all times. I feel your pain, I really do, and I hope you can find a way to manage more time for yourself and your professional endeavors, and also have fulfilling maternal time that doesn’t drain you as you think about all the other things you need to be accomplishing. Virtual support and hugs from my boys and me to you and yours.

  2. Posted 10 October 2013 at 6:59 PM | Permalink

    Just catching up on leisure reading myself, thanks for linking up Molly! :)

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