weirdest pitch ever, Santaphobia style

Okay, so I get–and ignore–lots of spammy unsolicited requests for free advertising on my blog (asking to write a ‘guest post’ on some topic, always framed with zero reference to this site being, how shall I say this?, kinda feminist-leaning). But this one made me laugh, so I’m sharing it:

Seasons greetings, Molly!

I wanted to reach out and tell you about a guest blog topic that has to do with children and the holidays that would be an excellent article to feature on your site, as I’m sure many parents will go through this exact situation this Christmas. [...]

I have a great piece of content about how parents can gently maneuver around and perhaps tactfully and carefully answer some of the questions their children may have about Santa that would be a great fit for your blog. Specifically, how to help them overcome their fear of Santa, as many children may be frightened of Santa or just wonder how exactly he gets into your house without scaring anyone.

I have a client who partners with a home security provider and would love to contribute this content to your site. They write a blog that includes a variety of topics important to homeowners including home safety tips and home security trends and many of the topics relate directly to children’s safety. I read through your guest post policy and just wanted to make sure that this would meet all of your guidelines, including placing a link in the article to my client’s site.

You want to write a blog post about children’s fear of Santa linking to a home security company‘s site? (Bonus points, though, for reading my totally nonexistent guest post policy: well done you!)

Also, are you serious? There are parents out there struggling with how to help their children navigate a terror of Santa Claus, who, I feel I must remind you, is actually not real?

I have an idea! If your child is miserable with fear of Santa–or indeed of any fiction you’ve sorta just made up or gone along with to give the child some joy–tell the child that there’s nothing to worry about because there is in fact no Santa Claus, scary Tooth Fairy, fearsome Easter Bunny, etc.

Problem solved! No home security system required.

[Merry Christmas if you celebrate it! I hope your home security system helps keep Santa in line. I'm not scheduling a post for this Wednesday but will be back to regularly scheduled programming come Friday.]

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One Comment

  1. Molly
    Posted 24 December 2012 at 1:40 PM | Permalink

    This is why small children shouldn’t watch “Rare Exports”

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